Counseling Session Two

I was semi looking forward to it. I did have some fears that he was going to ask questions that I didn’t know the answers but all in all, I wanted help to dismantle more of our issues. It’s hard to remember all that was talked about because it’s like drinking out of a fire hose and most of it doesn’t “stick” but might be in my subconscious for later. So, Ill try to share what I remember and what stood out

We started off talking about my husband not wanting to have sex and we explained that we did and that my husband again was able to climax and I didn’t. He asked why not, I explained that we moved slower with external touch and foreplay but then moved into sex too quickly and my husband got too excited and preceded to climax without me. Our counselor asked why it stopped once he came we explained because we were in dialog about what happened and what we liked and didn’t like and how to make it better in the future. My husband was also pretty upset that it happened again and felt bad almost instantly. We talked it through and have high hopes to not let that happen again without my pleasure as well. I said I feel like a good wife when my husband reached orgasm... he asked why is that, and I explained I feel like I am constantly the one in our relationship to make mistakes and this is a way I am good to him and feel his love. 

Our counselor then asked us, Do you ever pray together during sex?” We both said no and proceeded to ask, “Would that be something we would desire?” my husband said Of course, and I said no. Our counselor asked me why and I said, it was too intimate, it’s between me and God. He then launched into scripture Isaiah 30 to be exact. Which is talking about repentance; in turning FROM (sin) and INTO (God) in repentance. Its just not turning from... there is a second step to repentance. 

He said the marriage bed can be a place of masturbation, prostitution or intimacy. He talked about the story in Luke 7 "Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman." We read it together, we talked about how Simon called Jesus "teacher" (an object) and Jesus addressed him as Simon (a person). Simon treated the situation as if Jesus was a trophy in his house and this woman was defiling it. Also, Jesus called Simon out on HIS sins to show him he isn't without sin. Just like the parable of the prodigal son, seeing ones self as high and mighty and not seeing ones own sin. Our counselor also pointed out that Simon never said anything out loud, "he said to himself." So not only did Jesus know his thought he also knew his sins and then asked him,  41“ Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,^d and the other fifty. 42Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

Our counselor asked me, "What was the Jesus' point?" and the only thing I could think of was that Jesus was more valuable to those who have more to be forgiven. 

Our counselor wanted to know why prayer was too intimate for me to want to share with my husband and I explained I feel criticized and that he is always looking at me through a microscope seeing if what I believe matches his theology. I don't want to debate theology with him, I want to share Jesus together, but it feels unsafe and too vulnerable.  

I'm worried I don't know what intimacy in sex is. I'm also concerned my lack of wanting to be vulnerable is causing me to not be intimate.

Small google search I found this:

"A fear of intimacy comes out of a sense of vulnerability to being emotionally hurt. It's not the intimacy itself that most people fear. It's being criticized, rejected, shamed, controlled, swallowed up, or losing oneself in the other that sets in motion the self-protective shutting down that keeps intimacy under wraps. There is often a correlation with low self-esteem and feelings of being unlovable, defective or even worthless. In order not to be found out, barriers to intimacy go up."

Homework: pray together. Don't just push through, partake.
Jake home work: no criticism.